The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me
by orgyinhoboken
Summary: Set in their sixth year; Draco Malfoy has his mission to complete of killing Dumbledore, but his feelings for Hermione start to stand in the way.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Set in their sixth year at Hogwarts, Draco works during the school year to complete his mission. A couple of run ins with Hermione and a few kisses start to become a bigger deal than he thought them to be originally, and as time passes Draco starts to put his task aside. Struggling to cope with his original prejudice against muggle-borns and his confusing feelings for Hermione make both of them drift apart and find themselves drawn back together again and again. Most of this story goes by the book and a tiny bit on the movie and just like in the book, Draco has to decide whether or not to meet Dumbledore on that Astronomy Tower and let his fellow Death eaters in, or stay with Hermione and go against his family, Voldemort, and everything he's ever believed in.

**Note:** This story will be split into three parts: Denial, Pride, and Acceptance. Also all three parts will either be from Draco's POV or only the first and the third, and I will make the second from Hermione's. I'm still undecided, so let me know in a review which option you would prefer.

**Rating:** M+ for _extreme_ sexual situations, language, and violence.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Part I: Denial<span>**

_Draco Malfoy moved roughly above his partner._

_He had thought maybe she'd shut up a bit if he was little more rough, but that just made her screams louder._

_He looked down at Pansy-her long thick ebony hair spread all around her in a black halo, her charcoal eyes half lidded with pleasure, and her tiny pink mouth parted in a round O. Her above-average breasts were moving at such a fast and alarming speed that he decided to take it down a notch, but the thing was he wasn't even close. He was hard because she felt good. Hell, she even looked good. There was no denying that her body wasn't pretty, but she wasn't her._

_He looked down again and envisioned dark curly hair, wide big dark brown eyes flaked with tiny bits of gold, smaller breasts, and a touch of coffee over milky skin. He imagined her slim legs wrapped around him, pushing him in deeper, as her nails raked across his back in a way she knew he loved; lightly digging into this sensitive spot along his back. He thought of it, thought of it as much as he could and if possible, he grew harder. He tried thinking of strictly her body, or the way she tasted, but other things glimpsed their way in. Like her laugh, the way she would wrinkle her nose if she didn't like something, or how she would always softly and hesitantly kiss him. Always so nervous, so inexperienced. Fuck, he was close now. He could feel that familiar warmth spreading from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet. His skin crawled like clouds; goosebumps stretching their way across pale skin. He was close. He was so bloody close._

_He thought again of her hair fisting into his as he pleasured her. Thought of the way her lips curved into a smile, or the rare smirks she would give him that were very much like his own. He thought of the way she had looked at him once upon a time: want, want, want all in her dark brown-ember eyes that had possibly darkened even more with her arousal. He thought of her lips; so full, so soft against his own. He thought of kissing them, parting them with his tongue as he slowly pushed in and out of her. Sweat broke out across his brow and he closed his eyes tight letting himself feel a lot more than he should have._

"_Draco," she would say, almost like a prayer, almost like a whisper. She would say it over and over again and it would drive him crazy with a want so powerful that he had thought once it would carry him away._

_And it did._

_His body broke out in joy, the warmth slowly spreading all over the span of his body, to even his closed eyelids like the afterimage of a lamplight, like tiny starbursts behind his eyes._

"_Hermione", he whispered, almost like a prayer._

**December:**

Draco chanced a quick glance at her in the Great Hall come morning, despite himself. She was talking animatedly to Longbottom at the Gryffindor table, and laughing at something he had said.

He looked away.

He was sick of thinking of her almost all the damn time. It was pathetic. The whole thing had started out so meaningless. She had had some horrible fight with Weasley and was crying her eyes out down one of the corridors. She was supposed to be doing her patrols as part of being a Prefect, and naturally he had called her out on it.

_"Sorry, Granger, but I don't think this part was in the job description," he said cruelly._

_What the hell did she have to cry about anyway?_

_Her head snapped up and she wiped at her eyes, blushing furiously and looking at him with nothing but contempt, quickly standing up and straightening her robes._

_"Shut up, Malfoy."_

_Draco raised an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all you've got?"_

_"I said shut up!" She nearly stomped her foot._

_It was all very amusing indeed and so he jabbed at her a bit more._

_"Come now, Granger. You have to have some witty comeback just itching to get out of that filthy Mudblood mouth of yours."_

_"Actually, Malfoy, I have no time for you."_

_And with that, she spun on her heel and started walking in the opposite direction. No time for him? Everyone always had time for him._

_"What do you want?" She nearly shouted as she heard him following loudly behind her._

_"Has someone lost their wit today, or better yet their intellect?"_

_That did it._

_Granger spun around so fast they nearly crashed into each other. Her face was red and he could have sworn her eyes were too._

_"Listen to me, Malfoy. I haven't lost anything of the sort. I just haven't any time for your arrogant annoying self tonight. Either leave me the hell alone or I swear I'll hex you."_

_"And lose your spot as Prefect?"_

_"What is your problem? Why can't you just go away?" And then all of a sudden she cried. Right there in the middle of some other corridor, she started crying._

_Draco had never been more shocked in his life. Know-It-All Hermione Granger was crying in front of him. He had never made her cry before. Never. And if he did, it was in private. Like Draco, Granger was too stubborn and prideful to let herself be so vulnerable in such a public place with someone who could care less. So this, this meant something. And he didn't like it one bit._

_"Hey, Granger…alright cut that out," he said gently, wanting her to really just shut up already. He felt awkward. He honestly didn't enjoy making girls cry. They always got increasingly more annoying and ugly looking when they cried. Draco enjoyed making them cry other things, but tears was not one of them._

_She looked up at him angrily again, wiping at her eyes._

_"Just leave me alone, Malfoy."_

_"With pleasure," but he couldn't move. There was something about seeing her so…pathetic looking was just nagging at him. Granger might be annoying as hell, but pathetic? That was one thing Granger was not._

_He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you cry." What the hell was this? An apology? Draco couldn't remember the last time he apologized for anything in his life._

_She laughed bitterly. "Yes, you did."_

_That ticked him off._

_"No, I didn't. If I meant to I wouldn't have apologized, and believe me I'd be saying a lot of nasty things right about now."_

_"Then why not just say them?"_

_He sneered. "Because you already look pathetic enough."_

_She bit her lip, looking hurt and in a mere two seconds a stream of fresh new tears came running down her face. Merlin! Did the girl ever stop crying?_

_"Granger! I said to cut that out! Look, I'm sorry for what I said earlier and for what I said now, can you please just please stop crying already?"_

_She stopped in about a minute or so and slid down the wall opposite of her, oddly sitting in the same way and almost the same place he had found her in before. He sighed and sat down next to her, immediately regretting it._

_"What are you doing now?" She demanded._

_"I am trying to make an attempt at being nice and understanding so, what's the problem? Why are you crying?"_

_"Why do you care?" She asked, incredulous._

_"I don't," Draco said quickly. "I'm just curious. You've already held up most of my night with this nonsense so you might as well tell me what it's about."_

_She snorted in a very un-lady like manner. "Tell you? What, so you can tell the whole school?"_

_Draco rolled his eyes. "I have better things to do than to talk about your sad little life, Granger."_

_There was a long pause and then in a rush she told him her tale._

_"Ron, and I are…I don't even know what we are! He was with someone else when it's almost completely official that we are together! I mean, it is, but it isn't. We both love each other and everything but he keeps going back to that Lavender bint, and I just don't understand it. I don't like mixed signals and I wish he'd just make up his bloody mind and tell me what he wants already!"_

_Draco was right. He couldn't care less and seriously regretted extending out the invitation to have Granger tell him about Weasley and his poor selection in women._

_"Well, he clearly has already," Draco said tonelessly, not looking at her, but at the wall across from them._

_"What?"_

_Draco could see out of the corner of his eye that she had turned to look at him._

_"He doesn't want you." It was a bit harsh, but the truth was the truth and she clearly wanted it so badly._

_"And what makes you so sure of that?" She asked hotly._

_He chanced a glance at her, looking at her eyes again. They were dry this time. Thank Merlin._

_"If he's even sending out 'mixed signals' he doesn't want you, if he has a half a brain that is. Girls play hard to get and sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's not. But a guy doing that? Guys don't do that if they know what they want, and as you pointed out before, he doesn't so therefore he doesn't really want you if he can't man up and make a decision about it."_

_Granger was quite for a long moment until finally…_

_"You're right," she said quietly and it took Draco completely by surprise. Granger agreeing with him? Saying he was right?_

_"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked, seriously worried._

_Granger rolled her eyes. "Yes, Malfoy. I'm just agreeing with you. I'll make the decision for him since he clearly can't: I'm out."_

_Draco raised his eyebrows, impressed. She stopped crying and he could hear that usual know-it-all pride coming back into her voice. Her eyes and face lost that pathetic look to them and he relaxed. As annoying as Granger was, he honestly preferred her this way to the girl who was crying moments before. She wasn't any fun when she cried._

_"Well, good for you, Granger."_

_He readied himself to stand up but her hand caught his. He looked at her, for the third time, in surprise. He was pretty certain that him and Granger had never made physical contact with the other outside of that slap in the face she threw at him in their third year._

_"Thank you," she said sincerely. Draco half sat, half squatted there for a second. He thought of about a hundred ugly comments and insults he could make at her, but he was tired of that now and decided against it._

_"You're welcome," he said awkwardly, and she let go of him, he stood up and just stared down at her._

_He held out his hand._

_She took it quietly, hauling herself up. They looked at each other for only about a second, and then went their separate ways without another word._

Two months had gone by since then, and for some extremely odd reason he had started to notice her a little. He noticed that her hair was more tame, it fell in long relaxing curls around her face and shoulders, down her back. Her body had definitely matured as well-her breasts weren't all too big and she never flaunted them, but they looked like a good handful. Her waist was small and her hips curved out to reveal long toned and slightly tan legs.

He didn't understand why all of a sudden he decided to let himself recognize Granger as a woman now. He didn't know why all of a sudden the world decided to play this cosmic joke on him. She was a Mudblood, Potter and Weasley's best friend, an annoying Know-It-All.

So why did he want her?

Draco had asked himself this question about a million and one times before, and he still had no answer.


	2. Chapter 2

Superiority had always been installed into Draco ever since he was a little boy. He remembered bringing home marks lower than Granger's and serving beatings for her intelligence. That was another reason why he hated her: she beat him at every class. No matter how hard he studied, how hard he tried, he'd always come second best to her and Draco was always used to being first; being the best in everything he did. Intelligence was something he admired, but when it rivaled with his own-he wasn't much of a fan of it anymore. Especially from someone that was a Mudblood. That was something else Draco found incredibly frustrating, but also amusing in its own sick and twisted way. It was rather ironic that Hermione Mudblood Granger was smarter than him, more good looking than even some Pureblood witches he knew. Draco was brought up to think that Mudbloods were inferior, stupid, ugly low life's that weren't deserving enough of even an ounce of their magical abilities and the fact that Granger proved all of this to be wrong made him hate her more than anything because that meant that his father was wrong, that the Dark Lord was wrong, that everything he had ever believed in, everything he learned, was most likely completely wrong.

Draco's eyes moved of their own accord to stare at the back of her head, looking up for the first time from his seat in Potions. He was trying all his might the entirety of the class period to not look at her, even if it was the back of her head. She was seated between Potter and Weasley as always. He sneered at her, even though she couldn't see it, and turned his face away.

What had she done to him?

Draco wanted desperately to hold onto those beliefs, and that hate because if he didn't it left other things to worm their way into his skull, other doubts and revelations like the idea that maybe-just maybe she was no different from him. That maybe Granger was in every right as much of a Witch as he was a Wizard. The thought itself made him physically sick.

* * *

><p>The sun had melted away from the sky by now, a patch of darkness lit overhead instead. There wasn't many stars out tonight, as he made his way to the Room of Requirement.<p>

Once finally inside, Draco let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding before. He hated this. This nervousness that lurked in him every moment, the utter depression and fear that nearly consumed him every hour of every hour. He didn't even want to really be here. He wasn't sure if he really wanted this mission at all, but it was do as the Dark Lord said or be killed. Draco shook his head, getting himself out of useless thoughts, and touched the hard mahogany door to the Vanishing Cabinet, his hand lingering on the silver door knob.

_No more thinking._

He jerked it open and placed the green apple at the bottom, closing the door, and waiting a few minutes before he heard it reappear.

He swung the heavy door open, his eyes dropping to the apple at the bottom, reaching out to grab it in his hand he noticed part of it was torn off. It wasn't ready yet. Draco sighed, half relieved, and half disappointed. He spent a good hour more working on the Vanishing Cabinet before he finally got fed up, and returned to the dungeons. There wasn't a chance for him to escape this, Draco reminded himself. There wasn't hope. This was who he was: a Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy's son, another player in the Dark Lord's game. He wasn't sure if he was Draco anymore, if he could even consider his name anything of his own. Lately, everyone else had possessed him, over powered him, controlled him. Everyone had peeled away his identity. Even Granger.

* * *

><p>The trip to Hogsmeade proved more to be a job to Draco than a fun school trip as it was to his other classmates. He had recently gone out and bought a cursed necklace which he planned to have someone deliver to Dumbledore. It was a weak plan, he had to admit, but Draco was taking the easy way out before he had to face even the thought of the harder route. Now, the only problem he faced was getting someone to deliver it to him. Draco scanned the crowd and spotted a short dark haired girl-a Gryffindor. Draco smiled slightly, and sauntered off following her everywhere she went. Finally, after a long and boring journey into different shops, she went into the The Three Broomsticks, making her way towards the bathroom.<p>

_This is your chance. _

Without being noticed, Draco followed her, slipping his wand from beneath his cloak, and pointing it directly at her back.

"Imperio," he whispered.

She stopped and he told her what she needed to do. Looking into her vacant eyes, Draco felt something in him churn. Guilt. He shook it off and sent her on her way with the brown package in hand, a knot of anxiety and fear resting in his stomach as he watched her leave.

* * *

><p>She was patrolling the halls again. Her glossy brown curls swaying when she walked, her school uniform perfect as always. He watched her, instead of turning in the opposite direction like he should have.<p>

"Malfoy," she said when she turned around and spotted him a few feet from her, "It's past curfew. What are you doing?"

Draco sneered at her. "None of your business, Granger."

"Look, I know you probably regret what happened between us, and I agree. It was a mistake. I love Ron, and we don't even like each other. We're not even friends and-"

Draco felt his chest tighten. "Is there a reason as to why you're stating the obvious? I don't have all night."

She narrowed her eyes. "My point is, Malfoy, that what went on between us can never happen again."

"What a difficult challenge you've set there, Granger. I had a monetary lapse of judgement when I touched your filthy Mudblood self. Trust me, it won't ever happen again, and you shouldn't flatter yourself into thinking otherwise."

A flash of emotion swept over her eyes, so quick that if Draco had blinked he surely would have missed it. "Right. Go it. Anyway, go to bed. It's past curfew."

She moved past him, and in that moment Draco felt so angry he half wanted to run after her and strangle her.

"Aren't you going to give me detention, or take points from my house?" He shouted out after her instead.

She turned around slowly, her face blank. "Not tonight, Malfoy." And she walked on.

He watched her all the way until she disappeared around a corner, and then Draco stood there for a long moment after. For some reason, he couldn't figure out why, it bothered him that she had given him that look, that she hadn't yelled, spit out an insult, or punished him for breaking the rules. She hadn't done anything. If possible, that just pissed him off even more.

**January:**

Draco hadn't spoken to her in little over a month. She never even looked at him during this time either. Never. Not once. He was angry. He had never felt anger like this before. It enraged him that she ignored him so easily, that she simply didn't care. That he had developed this...this infatuation for her, and she simply didn't care. Draco angrily punctured his waffles with his fork, tearing the food into large pieces and gritting his teeth.

"What's gotten your panties into a bunch this morning?" Asked a sultry voice behind him.

Draco turned around and had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. Parkinson. Her long ebony hair was spilling over one side of her like tangled seaweed, a black veil that was so thick and long it covered the right side of her shoulder and her right breast completely, leaving her long slender cream colored neck exposed, something Draco guessed she did on purpose for him because she knew his fetish for necks. Her skirt was a tad shorter than the school permitted, her lips a bit pinker than normal, he assumed by lipstick, and a soft pink dusting was also scattered over her cheekbones giving her a sweet look, almost innocent like, something Pansy was definitely not. Her dark eyes were calculating, hard coal that glittered against her long row of black eyelashes and contradicted her soft pink face, trying to cut into the fabric he had woven so tightly around himself over the past couple of months. Come to think of it, Pansy was always trying to cut through that fabric, through the fog. She never could, but it never stopped her from trying.

Draco said nothing, but simply turned himself back around and continued to savagely attack his waffles again.

Pansy sighed and took the empty seat beside him. "Where's Blaise?" she asked, as she helped herself to her own plate.

Draco shrugged his shoulders.

She turned herself towards him fully, and Draco could feel those coal eyes trying to cut through him once more. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You've been overly moody for months now."

"No, I haven't," Draco said as calmly as possible. He was beginning to grow extremely irritated with her persistence.

"Yes, you have!"

Before Draco could reply Blaise plopped himself down between them.

"Isn't it too early to fight on a Monday morning?"

"We're not fighting, Blaise. I was just simply telling Draco that he's been acting moody since the beginning of the school year."

Blaise said nothing.

Draco turned his face towards his semi-friend and narrowed his eyes. "You agree with this rubbish, Blaise?"

"Well...you have been acting a bit off lately. I imagine it's because of all this Dark Lord business, so I haven't speculated too much about it like Pansy here."

"I'm glad one of you has some brains at least. Now if you'll both excuse me, I have a few things to do." Draco stood up, dusted off his robes and was half way past the Slytherin table before Pansy called out, "This early?"

Draco ignored her.

* * *

><p>The dark haired girl was screaming again. Her cries pierced through his ears, and Draco thought they would surely bleed.<p>

"Please let me die, please," he begged.

And then Voldemort would appear before him smiling out of his soulless eyes, stretching his snake like mouth into a grin so wide it nearly swallowed Draco whole.

"Death is what you ask for, boy?"

"Yes, please!" Draco screamed.

"You'll have to beg some more. I'm afraid that tiny plea won't do."

And then Draco felt another kind of pain.

_"Crucio!"_

Draco screamed in agony, tears streaming down his face. He saw his mother in a corner with men standing over her, hurting her.

"Mother," he tried to get out around the rust in his mouth.

And then it was over and he was floating, he was sated and happy. He was in Granger's room, in her bed and she was touching him softly, running her hand over his chest and scars, looking at him with kindness.

"Do you love me?" He heard himself ask, and the tiny moment of peace was sucked out of the room so fast Draco turned cold all over.

Her brown-ember eyes turned to blades of fine glass. "No, Draco. Who could ever love someone like you?"

Draco opened his eyes to stare at his dark ceiling.

Sweat was soaking his sheets, resting over his temples and brows, running down his neck, but he didn't move. Not an inch. Of all the things that occurred in his nightmare, all he could see, all he could think about was Granger and the way her eyes cut through him in a way Pansy's never could. In a way that hurt perhaps more than any Cruciatus Curse ever could. Draco turned over to his side, throwing the covers off of him. He wanted to go somewhere. The last thing he wanted was to close his eyes again and be here and think of Granger, but there was no place to go but to the Room of Requirement, and the last thing Draco wanted to do now was work on something for the Dark Lord when he was torturing him moments before in a very vivid dream.

Draco swung his feet over his bed, grabbing a shirt, his wand, and shoes he was gone without another seconds thought. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he knew it was at least past midnight and not a signal living soul was out and about around the castle. Draco made his way from corridor to corridor, his mind in overload, thinking of things he wanted to forget. Unconsciously his feet dragged him to the Library, and without really knowing why he sneaked in and sat amongst a row of books, and it was then that he realized he was here because of Granger. He knew she came here sometimes if she couldn't sleep. Just to sit, or to read.

"Granger?" He whispered.

Nothing.

"Granger? Are you in here? It's Malfoy," he said a bit louder.

Nothing.

He felt stupid. Beyond that, he felt defeated. Absolutely defeated. Somehow over the course of these few months, over the course of the recurring nightmares, Draco had lost something. He had been drained out by the looming war ahead, by the mission he had, and by Granger. He was sick of feeling like this, sick of doing nothing about it. He wasn't going to give up and waste his last year at this pathetic school working on just that stupid Vanishing Cabinet that would surely lead to his death one way or another. No, Draco realized there was another mission, another task he was going to take on and start pursuing tomorrow: Granger. He wouldn't leave her alone and their "mistakes" in the past like she wanted. He would pursue her over and over until she finally gave in, and he'd keep her somehow until he followed out his mission. Then he'd let her go and never think of her again; leave her behind with everything else he was going to leave here once he left. It was kind of a stupid plan, he had to admit, but Draco was determined. Not to mention that he always got everything he wanted.

With a fresh plan in his mind, Draco made his way out of the darkened library and headed quietly back to the dungeons. And for the first time in a long time, he was able to sleep for a few hours without the haunt of nightmares.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapters so far, I know. I'm trying to make them longer. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. The more the better, because they truly keep me motivated and I suck at updating!<strong>

**~Lena**


	3. Chapter 3

Draco was stumped. He wasn't sure what the best approach was. Pursuing her met letting some of his guard down, stopping the insults and letting her know that she got to him, that he felt something more than just hate towards her, that he didn't regret what happened between them. It meant letting Granger see a lot more than he wanted her to, and Draco wasn't sure he liked putting half of his cards on the table when she clearly put none. But, on the other hand letting things play out the way they were now meant never even having the possibility to have her underneath him again, moaning his name, never even having her speak to him, glance at him, anything-considering she definitely wasn't going to make the first move if any. Tucking away his pride for the time being, Draco stalked his way towards her, reminding himself that the end result (having her in his bed again)would be much more satisfying than the current one.

She was in the Library this time, and Draco thought it to be rather funny that he had been in this exact place a few hours prior looking for her. He kept his eyes set on her and no one else as he made his way over, slapping his palms on the cool surface of the wooden table, making her look up at him with wide eyes.

"What the hell is your problem?" she snapped.

Draco lowered his face so that it was mere inches from hers. "Good Morning to you too, Granger. I'm here to give you a proposition."

She raised a perfectly shaped brown brow. "Really? And what kind would that be?"

"Stop chasing after someone who doesn't appreciate what you. I don't mean love, I don't mean dating. I mean making you feel good. We _both_ made each other feel good. You're single, and I'm single. Why sit here and pine after someone who is no doubt doing what you could be doing with me?"

Her mouth opened a little, then closed and opened again. She stared at him for a long two minutes before she chocked out a response. "Why? Why would you want to touch my_ filthy Mudblood self_ again?"

Draco flinched. He knew those words would bite him in the arse some day. "Clearly you don't know a thing about me. I just said that to get a rise out of you- to no effect. I didn't actually mean what I said."

"What a redeeming quality."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Enough of this. I didn't come over here to discuss this with you. I came over to talk about my proposition."

"Well, my answer is no."

"Why?" Draco asked as calmly as he could.

"Because," she said as she started shuffling her papers, and closing her books, "you're Malfoy, and I'm Granger. You're mean and cruel, you have no conscience from what I can see, and as you pointed out before, you say hurtful things just to get a rise out of me; "it's what you do best." You have belittled me, and made fun of me my whole stay here and quite frankly I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I let you touch me at all. Imagine that, a filthy little Mudblood being disgusted by your touch. I know it's hard to believe, Malfoy but I honestly want nothing to do with you."

"Ouch." Draco made sure his face was impassive, smooth marble, that was unfazed by her brutal words, maybe not even real.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go or I'll be late for class." She got up to leave but Draco grabbed her arm.

"I never denied doing those things, and you've known them all along, but you slept with me still."

She sighed. "I was lonely, Malfoy."

"Well, so was I. We have something in common it seems and come to think of it I'd say we're still both pretty lonely now. I'm not a great person, but I'm not as nasty as I was back then."

She looked into his eyes, and he noticed it was the first time in a long time that she had. "There's about at least fifty other girls you could take to bed with you. Fifty other girls that find you charming and amazing, girls that truly want you. Why don't you go give your proposition to them?"

She sure could be a little fucking bitch when she wanted to, couldn't she? His impassive demeanor was starting to melt and Draco was beginning to get angry. "Maybe I just want you." Merlin, he hated himself for saying that. Even if it was true, that was putting more than half of his damn cards on the table and he was sure he'd receive a snarky comment in response, maybe even a disbelieving laugh, but instead her eyes softened and her arm relaxed in his grip a little.

"You're lying," she whispered.

"No, I'm not," Draco breathed out through his teeth. Did she honestly just enjoy embarrassing him till there was nothing of his ego left? Maybe they had more than just one thing in common after all.

"You have to be!" She nearly shouted in frustration. Her eyebrows creased with her confusion, her mouth set into a frown. His hand itched to smooth out her features.

Draco rolled his eyes. "You just pointed it out yourself. There's a bunch of girls I can take to bed with me, girls that wouldn't put up such a fight and be horrified by the idea of sleeping with me...again."

Granger narrowed her eyes. "But I'm a Mudblood, why would you want me?"

"Do you really have to ask a thousand questions? Must we get into this right now or ever? And stop calling yourself that while you're at it."

Her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline. "Why? You call me that all the time!"

"Not all the time. And it's different. I think it sounds...dirty coming from your mouth and not dirty in the good way either."

"So it's okay if you say it but not me?"

"Merlin, Granger you stop saying it, I stop saying it, alright?"

"Alright..." she said uneasily.

"So, how about that proposition then? I don't have all day."

"I'll think about it."

"I'll give you till Friday. I can't have this going on for longer than that. You come find me when you have your answer." Draco let go of her and started to make his way out of the library. He was a bit satisfied even though her answer wasn't exactly what he hoped it would be, but hell it was better than a 'no' at least.

"Hey Malfoy," she called out after him.

Draco turned back to look at her. "What?"

"Thanks, you know, for not saying that word anymore," she said quietly.

Draco smirked. "Don't thank me for that, Granger. You can think me for other things when you say yes to my proposition. See you around."

* * *

><p><em>He saw her again by the dungeons. It was the first time he'd seen her alone, and so close since that time in the corridor when she was crying over Weasley. That was three weeks ago.<em>

_"Granger," Draco greeted._

_Granger nodded her pretty brown head. "Malfoy."_

_"What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"_

_"Patrolling. Ron is supposed to be with me but I think he's with Lavender," she said the last part in a sneer._

_Draco snickered. "Still bitter about it, are we? I thought we had moved forth from that, or have we taken two steps back?"_

_She narrowed her eyes at him. "No such steps have been taken, Malfoy."_

_Draco smirked. "Just making sure."_

_"Right."_

_There was a long silence._

_"Shouldn't you be patrolling somewhere else by now?" Draco asked after a minute or so._

_"Right. Yes. Sorry."_

_She moved around him, but stopped herself. Her bob of brown curls stopping at his shoulder, she looked up at him then at the same moment that Draco looked down at her. And she did the strangest thing...she touched him and he didn't brush her off right away like he should have. Her small hand was resting over his arm and he was allowing it. He was ashamed to admit it then, and later, but it was his mouth that moved first towards hers. Their lips touched for one...two...three seconds, hers opening a little to part so that her upper lip felt the full affect of his bottom. She tasted of honeyed tea and lemons, and he felt this rush of emotion slide through him right then. It wasn't anger even though it boiled up and spilled over just as quickly, and it wasn't happiness or even horniness. It was just this absolute rush, like flying at a Quidditch match. It was adrenaline and it felt right. He felt like this was where he was supposed to be, almost like what he was meant to do. The grip on his arm tightened and Draco's heart was pounding in his ears; his blood, rushing to drown out all sound, his Pureblood was making his face grow hot as reason came to mind and he remembered who he was kissing and who he was. _

_Draco jerked his face from hers as if her lips had been blue flamed fire. Her large brown-gold eyes looked up at him in astonishment, and Draco noticed that her cheeks were stained with red too. Her lips were still parted and they looked inviting even with the fresh realization that she was a Mudblood planted fiercely in his thoughts now._

_"Never, he whispered, "never again." And then he was flying past her in a whirlwind of green, silver, white-gold and black. He didn't look back or stop until he reached his own room, thanking Merlin that neither Blaise nor anyone else was around. He nearly ripped his robes off, and hastily removed his tie and dress shirt, throwing them carelessly on the floor as he ran into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. It cooled him down, but only a little. Draco panted over the ashen basin, his arms spread over the sides of the counter, his back hunched and his breathing still erratic. How could he do that? How could he forget, even if only for a moment who he was, who she was? It was a fact Draco had never ever forgotten until now and suddenly in the span of those few seconds he was nobody, nothing._

_Draco looked up into the mirror, and saw winter gray-blue orbs still round from surprise, rosy red cheeks, mouth half open, chest heaving. Draco looked at his reflection for a long moment, noticed the white's and gold's of his hair sticking up at a few odd places, noticed how pale and frightened he looked. How weak. Anger bubbled up inside him at the image in the mirror and Draco welcomed it because at least that was a familiar feeling. He shut his eyes, and turned away from it, sliding down till he was sitting on the cool tile of the bathroom floor. The hotness in his cheeks was slowly starting to fade and he was starting to regain some control of his breathing. Draco sat there for a long time looking at nothing, thinking of nothing. And then slowly as the anger ebbed and eventually eroded away, Granger started to creep in around his skull, poking and probing her way into the workings of his mind, showing him images of the way she looked up at him, her hand on his arm, how sweet her lips tasted. He thought of her blood too, and how it was dirty and he shouldn't have enjoyed kissing someone so filthy. But the small part of his brain that was being controlled by Granger, told him that she wasn't dirty at all. In fact she was rather pure._

Draco sipped his Firewhiskey slowly, trying to get his mind out of old thoughts. He wasn't sure why he was even thinking about their first kiss, but sometimes when he was feeling sorry for himself he would think about things like that. Sometimes even his mother and father, and how much he used to try, even now, to please them even though it was never enough. At least for his father it wasn't. His father was all ice and marble, rarely showing whatever true emotions he possessed if any, and Draco had admired that when younger. He looked at his father as someone who was strong and proud, someone who was always right and had all the answers. But taking a good look now Draco could see all the flaws his father tried so hard to hide. He was chipped, cracked along certain places; over his heart for instance there was pieces of that marble missing, and his father was dull, no longer polished and bright, no longer proud. He was a mixture of gray and white-gold, closing in on himself at times, letting his face slip into one emotion after another. He was rough, and broken, worn down and crumbling. Every time Draco saw him there would be a new piece missing, a new crack formed that would reach all the way to his eyes, reminding Draco and anyone else who saw him, that his father wasn't all perfect ice as he once was.

But when Draco would think of Granger he would feel oddly more relaxed, calm even until he remembered certain things. Like the anger and frustration he felt after that first kiss, the fact that he wasn't supposed to be lusting after her like he was, that he was doing the Dark Lord's biding that took part in hurting Granger, that took part in supporting the radical beliefs Death Eaters usually have.

Draco put his glass down and looked into the fireplace of the Common Room for longer than need be. His own ice was melting, thawing from the inside out, and the more time he spent with Granger, the more time he spent thinking about her-the faster it melted. He wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. He guessed it to be the latter and knew that he had the choice to put things to a stop now before he lost more of his former self or let it continue. The choice was fairly easy, and that's the part that sort of got to him. How easy that decision was. It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't a new revelation because deep down he knew the stakes of the game he was playing. Sleeping with her wasn't the same as sleeping with anyone else. She was a Mudblood, and she went against his nature, went against everything he always knew.

Granger had unknowingly changed everything in his tiny dark world. The very axis of it was starting to shift, starting to gravitate towards her. And he was allowing it, he was going to let her become the center of everything.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week passed by in what seemed to be a blur to Draco. A blur of Pansy interrogating him with personal questions, hours spent on the Vanishing Cabinet, and dreams of brown eyes laced with gold. That's all Draco could remember as he impatiently awaited her answer come Friday morning.<p>

He looked up at her across the Great Hall, and he was surprised even though he didn't let his face show it, that she was looking right back at him. His mouth twitched up into a smirk, and she rolled her eyes, pink spreading across her cheeks before she purposely looked away.

Draco left the Great Hall that morning feeling better than he had in weeks.

* * *

><p>A tiny fold of paper was waiting for him as he took his seat in Potions. Curiously, Draco unfolded the paper and was delighted with what he saw.<p>

_Meet me up at the Astronomy Tower at midnight._

_-H_

Draco looked up, seeing her back for the millionth time in Potions, and for once his lips curved up at the sight of it, but somewhere to the right of him he could feel black eyes hot as fire trying to melt away that smile.

Draco turned and his eyes met Pansy's-her face as blank and pink as roses.

* * *

><p>Draco was getting better at working on the Vanishing Cabinet and he wasn't sure he liked that he was. Months ago he would have rejoiced in such victory, but now he cringed at the idea of it. Sighing, he pushed the door open, exiting out of the Room of Requirement. Draco checked the time-quarter to twelve. Earlier than he originally attended, Draco headed for the Astronomy Tower. His mind was racing with possibilities. Would she fuck him right there? Would she even kiss him or would she just tell him to simply go to hell? No, he assured himself, she would at least accept his proposition. She wouldn't turn him down. Draco was sure of it-mostly. Time went by slowly, so slowly in fact he lost track of it until the door slid open and Draco was welcomed by another presence.<p>

She was standing with her back to the door, her school tie loosened, her hair looked disheveled as if she had run her fingers through it a million times, but her face was carefully crafted into a mask of confidence. She walked closer, still not saying a word.

"If I agree to this there must be rules."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Granger. What is it that you want?"

"If either one of us wants to break this...whatever it is-off we can, at any time. We both need to respect each others personal lives, meaning we don't have to tell each other everything. We're not dating. Which brings me to my next point: we can see other people if we chose to or chose not to. We're not tied to one another."

Draco wasn't crazy about the last part but nodded along. "Fair enough."

"Okay then." She stuck out her tiny hand for him to shake and Draco couldn't help but chuckle at the oddness of the situation. Her hand slipped out from his and he could see her preparing to leave, he swiftly moved in front of her.

"What, no goodbye kiss?"

"Malfoy-"

"It's Draco."

Mouth half open to finish what she was originally going to say, she stopped. A puzzled look spread over her features, cracking her feigned mask of confidence.

"It is my name. You can call me that now. In private, of course."

For the first time that night a ghost of a smile grazed her pale pink lips. "Of course." Her long beautiful legs stretched upwards, her head titled back and he felt the faintest of touches, the most innocent kiss Draco had ever experienced in his whole miserable life.

She stepped back and looked at him with shaded eyes. "Goodnight, Draco."

And then she was simply gone.

* * *

><p>"How's that project of yours coming along?" Blaise asked him as they sat together in the common room.<p>

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Lower your voice, Zabini."

"Okay, _Malfoy_," Blaise whispered sarcastically.

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned closer, resting his elbows on his knees. "It's coming alone fine."

"Wanna tell me what it is yet?"

Draco sat back. "No."

Blaise furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not? We're friends at the very least, Draco, aren't we?"

"Yes, but this is not something I plan to discuss with anyone, Blaise. Not even you."

Blaise sighed, giving up he stood and looked down at Draco. "As a heads up: Pansy is watching you. And when I say watching, I mean stalking, so whatever secrets you're hiding, I suggest you make sure they're well hidden."

The first thing Draco thought of was not the Vanishing Cabinet, but of Granger. His stomach turned. "Thanks, I will."

Blaise nodded and headed back to his room, leaving Draco alone and worried.

* * *

><p><em>She was alone in the Library, and Draco half considered turning around if not for the shaking of her delicate shoulders. Curiously, he stepped forward, despite the warnings that were going off in his head.<em>

_"Granger?"_

_She didn't raise her face to see his, but her shoulders stopped shaking._

_Draco sighed. "Granger, look at me."_

_With deliberate slowness she looked at him; anger, hurt and confusion streaming from her eyes. "What do you want?"_

_Draco wasn't sure what he wanted so he said nothing, but he sat next to her again and for a while they said nothing._

_"I'm sorry I kissed you." Granger whispered after a while._

_Draco said nothing, he wasn't sure what to say. A part of him had been ready to say 'me too' in a very nasty manner but there was also a part of him that wasn't sorry about what they did in the least bit. Both parts of him were disgusting him nowadays._

_"Don't worry about it."_

_"You kissed me back, though." It was a bold thing to say, and Draco figured she realized it too after she said it. _

_"Yeah, I did."_

_"Am I really that revolting to you? Does the idea of kissing me really disgust you that much?"_

_Draco turned to face her. "Yeah, it does. If that sounds harsh or ludicrous to you then oh well. If you want the truth here it is: yes, the fact that I kissed someone like you disgusts me. My father would beat me for even talking to you and being as "nice" as I have been. You don't understand how you're truly looked at in my world, do you?"_

_A few more tears welled in her eyes. "I guess not, but why then would you kiss me?"_

_Draco wanted to hit her. Instead he got up and started to leave. "Go to bed, Granger." He could hear her scrambling to get up behind him. _

_"No, not until you tell me why," she said defiantly, blocking his way out._

_Draco smirked. "You do realize that I could pick you up and move you out of my way, right?"_

_"Just tell me. Please."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I want to know why someone who thinks I'm so disgusting would kiss me. It's a natural thing to be curious about." She said sarcastically._

_Draco rolled his eyes. "I don't know, Granger. That's my honest answer. I do not know. I just wanted to at that moment...I just did."_

_They looked at each other for a moment or two and Draco could feel that familiar want slither its way into the pit of his stomach. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to feel her impossibly soft lips against his own, feel her hair run through his fingers like water. He wanted to hear her gasp in delight at the touch of his lips to hers, feel her tongue slide along his delicately, and feel that rush of adrenaline he felt at their very first kiss all over again. _

_But Draco didn't have to want all of that for long; her mouth was already pressing and moving against his. Draco clutched his hands to her small waist, her own wrapping around his neck, her fingers playing with his baby soft hair at the nape of his neck. Draco pressed her closer to his body, feeling the curve of her breasts push against his chest. His face was hot and he began to grow wild and frantic, pushing his tongue into her mouth, trapping her face between his hands in a frenzy. He was wide awake now. His body and mind on alert, and they both recognized that this was Granger and that she was a Mudblood, but Draco also realized that in that moment he didn't care. She was Granger, and he was Malfoy. In that darkened library, in that instant, they were nothing more and nothing less._

* * *

><p>This time she was too early. Granger was dressed in a casual muggle outfit, her hair up into a pony tail. Unlike Pansy, her face was clean of make up and Draco liked that about her. She looked better this way.<p>

"Miss me already?" He asked teasingly.

"No," she said seriously.

Draco rolled his eyes. "You take all the fun out of everything, Granger."

"Hermione. My name is Hermione, isn't it?"

Draco smirked. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

"So how do we go about this?"

"Go about what?" For some reason he got a kick out of watching her struggle.

"You know what!"

"No, _Hermione_, I don't believe I do. Enlighten me."

"Never you mind."

Draco grabbed her hand, and pulled her closer, his other hand moving up to her arm till it reached her neck. He could feel her pulse quicken.

"Just like the good old days, isn't it?"

"We haven't had sex." She reminded him.

"Yet." Draco's mouth moved over hers, straying there for a few seconds until he moved it downwards, his lips replacing his hand on her neck. She gasped and Draco smirked into her neck, feeling her hands tighten around his own neck. He moved his lips from her skin and met her brown gold eyes with his own.

"Can I ask you something?" He whispered across her jaw line.

Her eyes closed, and her mouth parted a bit. "Mhmm."

"Why are you here if you hate me?"

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him. "Why are you?"

"I asked you first." His tongue moved lazily along the span of her neck.

"I...I don't really know. I guess I don't hate you, and obviously I'm attracted to you," she said a little breathlessly.

Draco stopped and moved back a bit so that she was still close enough but that he could see her face fully. "You don't hate me?"

"I couldn't let someone I hate touch me the way you have," she pointed out logically.

Draco blinked. "I don't think I hate you either."

She sighed and he could feel the seriousness the conversation was going in. "What are we doing, Draco?"

"We're being teenagers. We're spending a few nights together and trying to forget the mess that's going on."

She looked at him with eyes as old and tired as Dumbledore's. "Is it working for you?"

"Yeah, it is." _For now._


End file.
